Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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