It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
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