Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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