can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize