I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
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