I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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