I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
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There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
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When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
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