hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
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can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
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I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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