I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
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that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
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If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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