I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
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Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
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The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
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