does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
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she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
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Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
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