im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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