dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
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