i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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