so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
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She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
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Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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