i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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