You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Randomize