Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize