I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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