It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize