An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
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