I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
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