Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize