Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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