i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
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