i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
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