Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
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i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
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We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
there is puke in my bra ... again
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