white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
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Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
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Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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