So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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