I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Shame - the story of my life.
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