do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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