no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
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Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
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Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
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