I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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