Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
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