Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
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