dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
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how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
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I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
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