Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
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She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
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Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
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