I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
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you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
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That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
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