Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
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