Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
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He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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