My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
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