Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize