Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
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