my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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