I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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