btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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