I'm laying in your front yard are you home
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
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