You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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