Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
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Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
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Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
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