I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
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It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
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And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
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